I would be willing to bet that you could ask just about any female you know (especially if she is under 50 years old) if she's ever been the victim of street harassment, and she will say yes. I unfortunately can say yes to that question as well. I've been the victim of street harassment more times than I can count. Usually I get pissed off, text a bunch of friends about it, receive their support, and then slowly move on.
Last week I was harassed walking from my car to my workplace. Not that it matters, but to paint a picture for you: it's Friday morning, 8am, and I am exhausted. So exhausted I was ready to break down at any moment. Exhausting week, lots of stuff going on and little sleep. I'm walking past a parked black car and there's a man in his 50's sitting in it. "Hey there good lookin'!" he says. I slow down and literally stare at him in my tired daze, thinking that maybe I know him, in which case this exchange will be funny. "Excuse me?" I say. I realize that I indeed do not know him, and he says "Lookin' good today!" As I was processing what was happening, all I could say was "I don't know you!" He looks at me, a little confused. "You are being incredibly rude!" I say. He still seems confused and sits there for a moment looking at me, and then he speeds off.
I'm left, continuing on my walk to work, super pissed and now it was my turn to be confused as I'm trying to process what just happened. As any twenty-something would do, I post about it on Facebook when I get into my office. I have many amazingly supportive friends (men and women) who respond with comments like "Sending good thoughts your way!" and "Thanks for calling him out!"and probably my favorite response from my co-worker, a guy in his 40s: "Sorry you have to endure this and all women endure this disrespectful and disgusting behavior. Thanks for posting and letting folks know - we need to correct this as a culture."
I have to admit that for some reason, this instance of street harassment has really stuck with me. Maybe it's because it was only 5 days ago. Maybe it's because I'm just really freaking fed up with all this bullshit. To be honest I think a big part of it is that I was harassed while walking from my car (where I frequently park) into my workplace. This is a stretch of road I walk multiple times per week, if not multiple times per day. And I'm realizing that I'm kind of freaked out to walk that stretch of road, like he's going to drive by again and recognize me. That makes me so angry that this guy, with literally 8 words coming out of his mouth, has made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable not just in that moment when he harassed me, but EVERY TIME I'VE WALKED THAT STRETCH OF ROAD SINCE. To be honest this experience pales immensely in comparison, but has made me think about the women I've sat with at the hospital as an advocate after they've been sexually assaulted, and how many of them were assaulted in their home, in a friend's home, at work, etc, and not only do they have to revisit those places but many of them were assaulted by MEN THEY KNOW, men they'll have to see again. Men who are their bosses. Men who are their brother's friend.
It tears my heart apart to know that people's actions can have such a life-shattering impact on others. That many people who are sexually assaulted are never able to trust again, are never able to feel comfortable in certain situations, are never able to fully LIVE again. Just my small experience with street harassment has opened my eyes further to what these amazingly brave survivors are dealing with.
So? What do we do? I think so much of it starts with how we treat women and value them, or how we mistreat and don't value them. When are we all going to stand up and say this is not okay? When are we as a culture and as individuals going to stop objectifying women? And women, when are we going to stop objectifying ourselves? We are all worth so much more, and deserve to feel safe and valued in ALL SITUATIONS. I hope, pray, and work towards a day when that is true for everyone. Until then, I am grateful for my friends and colleagues - these amazing women and men I am honored to know - that are working for change, that are having tough conversations. I value all of you and am so glad to have you as my partners on this tough road.
