One of the consequences of street harassment I hate is that I can feel myself tensing up and putting on my "angry" face when I'm walking down the street and passing a man (or group of men) that I'm afraid might say something harassing to me. I hate that I do this. I hate that I can't just say "hello" back to someone because I am afraid of showing any acknowledgement (or God forbid, interest) because then I'll just be opening up myself to more harassment (because as always, it's my fault. Right?).
Speaking of it being my fault, I am sure I'm not the only woman that after being harassed on the street thinks "Well, maybe if I weren't wearing my tight jeans that wouldn't have happened." Or "Maybe my lipstick makes me look like I'm trying too hard and is drawing too much attention." And I FREAKING HATE THAT I QUESTION THIS AND BLAME MYSELF. Luckily, I can catch my blame and think "No, this is not my fault at all. I deserve to walk down the street WEARING WHATEVER I WANT TO and still feel safe and respected."
Street harassment has really been on my mind lately, because it impacts my life almost daily. And it leaves me feeling completely powerless with no idea how to change it. My plan at this point is to come up with a stock response, like "Your objectification of me is completely inappropriate and offensive." Again though..... I hate that I have to think about what to say to street harassers. And honestly I'm angry that men don't have to worry about this (and please don't misunderstand me to be saying that I wish street harassment would happen to men - I just really wish it wouldn't happen to anybody). I think that's gotta be part of why some men don't think it's a big deal, because they don't understand how unsafe and dirty it makes women feel.
What do you think? Women, how do you respond to street harassment? Men, have you ever been with another guy and seen him harass a woman? What did you do and how did it make you feel?
My first response is to pay heed to my instincts for safety. If I feel safe, I think it would be awesome to ask if he wanted my phone number, give it to him, but first set up a free Google phone number (research first on whether it can be traced back to me or not- again safety measures), and record a greeting that says.. "Hi, thanks for calling, approaching me with sexual innuendos like you did was not taken as a compliment. It is scary because it tells me you are already fine with crossing the implicit boundary between strangers, and I have to start thinking "what other boundaries might you cross?" Even in a "safe" city, women have to be aware that verbal assault (and that's what cat-calling is) might escalate into physical assault. If you are really expecting any sort of relationship to occur with women you don't know as a result of this behavior I suggest looking closer at why you think that what you did was even remotely acceptable. Learn more at goodmenproject.com Good bye"
ReplyDeleteHey Randi! Thanks for your thoughts. I love your idea, and the way you articulated your "message" will help me articulate my stock response. I do wonder what the goal is of men that engage in street harassment. To be honest I don't think they're really wanting a phone number, or even to see the woman again. I think that by and large they're not wanting a relationship, or perhaps not even truly seeking a sexual encounter (because, really, there's gotta be more productive ways of seeking a sexual encounter than cat-calling women on the street. I would guess the success rate for that is pretty low). I have wondered what a guy's response would be if I stopped and said "Why yes, I would love to have sex with you." I can't help but think it's done just because I'm there, and since I'm in public men have been taught by our society and the media that I can be (and perhaps deserve to be) objectified and harassed. I think it must play into some kind of "this is what it means to be a man" type thinking. Obviously we have a lot of work to do, and resources like goodmenproject.com will be incredibly important in this work getting done.
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